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Post by Yastreb on Jun 9, 2021 11:49:30 GMT
A refugee script that differed in one key respect hit Mal's inbox recently. I'm changed the scammer's name (any Monty Python fans might recognise the alias). The scammer's emails are date-stamped; my comments are in bold.
5 June
Greetings and complement of the season.
I am Ron Devious from the UK, I'm currently residing in a refugee camp in Turkey advocated by the UN due to the war in Syria. I have some reasonable and verifiable funds which I want to invest with you in your country in real estate business and I want you to be my partner. The funds is 5 million pounds and it is deposited in Oris International Bank United Kingdom. A friend emailed me and advice I get my funds out of the bank because the bank is going on bankrupt and will be shut down before the end of this year. I want you to be my beneficiary to help me received this funds, as soon as I hear from you, I will provide the complete details of the bank and my Solicitor.
Thanks.
From, Ron Devious.
Mr Devious
Forgive me for asking this, but why are you in a refugee camp in Turkey? Why can't you just go back to Brexitland and get your money? I'm just not processing this too well.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
6 June I am very sick now and because of the war i lost everything i have and i need paper work to leave here. i want to know if you can help me get all my funds
Mr Devious
Are you telling me that you have no family, no-one you can call on?
Malcolm Reynolds
7 June I have no one to help me my good friend, so help me if you can i will give you 30%.
There's an obvious question; time to ask it.
Mr Devious
That's too grim for words. No family, no friends... sounds like a nightmare!
I have to wonder, though; what happens after I receive the money? How does that help you? You'll still be in the camp, right?
Malcolm Reynolds
9 June When you receive you send some to the UN to do paper work for me to leave here
He wants Mal to bribe the UN?
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Post by Yastreb on Jun 24, 2021 2:19:10 GMT
Mal needs information.
Mr Devious
I'll be happy to help, but you need to fill me in on what has to be done, and in detail. Habit of a lifetime.
Malcolm Reynolds
Three days pass...
13 June Dear,
Oris Interational Bank.
I am writing this note to you on behalf of myself Ron Devious that Malcolm Reynolds to have access to my escrow account as my beneficially. We intend to use the money for legitimate investment I will greatly appraciate your assistance.
Contact the bank.
Email:REDACTED
Bank: Oris International Bank.
(Director of operation) Nicolette Dorman.
From: Ron Devious
Mr Devious
That's not what I asked for, is it? I told you that "you need to fill me in on what has to be done, and in detail." A draft of a letter to a bank ain't enough.
Malcolm Reynolds
I think he wants someone else to handle the next bit. Maybe there's a senior Lad who will collect the money.
15 June The bank that can tell you what to be done, You have to contact the bank to know what have to be done, what i know you have to send all your detail to the bank as my beneficiary and the bank will ask you to pay some fee.
I let this bait slide for a bit; eight days to be precise. Then...
ATTN: Nicolette Dorman, Oris Interational Bank.
Ron Devious has asked me for assistance, as the note below, and the associated emails, can testify. Please respond.
I have copied Ron Devious on this message.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
***
I am writing this note to you on behalf of myself Ross David that Malcolm Reynolds to have access to my escrow account as my beneficially. We intend to use the money for legitimate investment I will greatly appraciate your assistance.
Contact the bank.
Email:REDACTED
Bank: Oris International Bank.
(Director of operation) Nicolette Dorman.
From: Ron Devious
The reply was prompt.
23 June ATTENTION MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Dear Mr. Malcolm,
We acknowledge receipt of your letter addressed to me. Ron Devious is an account holder here in our bank and he has indicated you as a beneficiary to receive his funds. With this instruction, our bank is ready to transfer this fund online to you if you are ready to follow our online process. The reason for online transfer is because of some fraudulent activities we recorded recently.
If you accept with the online transfer, the following details will be needed from you to enable our account section to register the online account and forward the details to you to complete the FORM.
a) Your full names
b) Telephone number
c) Copy of your Identification (either International passport or Driver's License)
We urge you to revert back to us as soon as possible for further proceeding.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman
Not so fast, Bubba-Louie!
Ms Dorman
I don't do banking online. They are too many harkers and fraud stars out there for it to be safe. You'll need another method.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 2, 2021 10:53:14 GMT
The requirement for online banking is promptly put aside (emphasis added).
24 June Dear Mr. Malcolm,
We are in receipt of your letter and the contents are well noted. Since you do not accept the online transfer facility to receive this fund, we will make the transfer to you under legitimate BTO of this country (United Kingdom). And you will be urged to follow up the normal bank financial rules which will legal papers from the Bank of England and jurisdictional letter here in United Kingdom which will empower us to transfer such volume of funds (Five million Pounds Sterling) to a bank outside the country. NOTE: These papers are not free of charge.
You will provide us with your bank account details including Routing number, Sort code and Iban number. The transfer will take only 48 hours to reflect in your account once it is done. Our appointed legal officer will be positioned to assist in procuring these papers on your behalf once you revert back to us and Immediately the papers are obtained and submitted to us, transfer will take place to your designated bank account without delay.
We look forward to serve you better.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman.
And the refugee checks in...
25 June
Hello my good friend, what is the update with the bank let me know okay.
I chose to ignore him, and instead sent Mal's account details to Oris... well, not quite.
Ms Dorman
Here are the details.
Account name; REDACTED
Account number; REDACTED
SWIFT/Sort/IBAN; REDACTED
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
28 June Dear Mr. Reynolds
We have received the details you sent but you omitted the bank name. The account section will source out the funds (Five million pounds sterling) and transfer into your provided bank account immediately the appointed legal officer provide us with the required papers.
The documentation will cost the sum of 3,265.00 pounds only. therefore, the legal officer will be going to the offices to procure these papers on your behalf once you make the required amount available to him. We will give you his detail info to send the amount to reach him as soon as we hear from you.
Thanking you in advance for your understanding with us.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman.
So I let them know the bank is Westpac, and...
29 June Dear Mr. Reynolds,
We have noted your bank name and we appreciate your prompt response. The account section is set to carry out the transfer sum of Five million pounds sterling to your designated bank account. So we oblige you to send the required documentation fee of 3,265.00 only to the below account to reach the legal officer.
Bank name: REDACTED
Account holder: REDACTED
Account number: REDACTED
Sort code: REDACTED
Iban: REDACTED
Swift/Bic code: REDACTED
Bank Address: REDACTED
NOTE: If you send this amount today and confirm the slip to us, the legal officer will proceed immediately to the offices to procure the required papers on your behalf and without delay the transfer will take place to hit your account within 48 hours.
We anticipate your immediate cooperation to enable us serve you better.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman
But something is missing!
Ms Dorman
Acknowledged. Please send the formal invoice and we're good to go.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
I guess they're not sending the invoice.
1 July Dear Mr. Reynolds,
The papers have not been paid for the officer to obtain it and send / forward to you for your view so please be specific and let us know the kind of formal invoice you are requesting. The earlier documentation fee is settled the faster the transfer.
We look forward to you cooperation with us.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman.
Ms Dorman
You wrote, "The papers have not been paid for the officer to obtain it and send/forward to you for your view" - I don't understand what you mean by that.
You also wrote, "please be specific and let us know the kind of formal invoice you are requesting" - I don't understand that either. I just want an invoice.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
2 July Dear Mr. Reynolds,
It is quite clear that you did not understand the message. Now we break it down to you. The papers have not been paid for so once the fee is paid, it will be endorsed and issued to the officer then we forward it to for your view and transfer will take place. You should send the required amount to the account given to you to enable the officer settle the documentation fee and get the papers.
Thanking you in advance for your understanding.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman.
Mal has some issues with that reply. He'll explain (emphasis in original).
Ms Dorman
I told you I didn't understand the message, so for you to write that "It is quite clear that you did not understand the message. Now we break it down to you" is patronising and borderline rude. But let's move on from that, and let me break down for you the reason why I asked for an invoice.
Providing an invoice for a fee being demanded in advance of payment is basic practice worldwide and should be second nature to any business. I worked in military procurement for two years, and one of the duties involved processing payments to outside suppliers and contractors. No money was paid without an invoice first being provided. In civilian life, I've dealt with tradesmen, lawyers, medical professionals, and financial institutions, and paid the fees required, and every single time an invoice or similar document was provided. No exceptions.
So Oris International Bank, being a business, has no excuse for refusing to provide an invoice for payment. I did say, "No exceptions."
Please send the invoice forthwith.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
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Post by olli on Jul 2, 2021 12:01:31 GMT
Well done, i am glad to see the ,invoice'soon here ((-;
Ollistubes
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 6, 2021 1:50:07 GMT
Seems they accepted Mal's logic; along came an invoice!
3 July Dear Mr. Reynolds
We have attached the invoice here as per your demand. Therefore, we expect you to act accordingly so that we can proceed with the transfer without further delay.
Thanks for your understanding.
Yours in service, Nicolette Dorman
Meanwhile, Mal sends a long-delayed answer to Ron Devious' email of 25 June.
Mr Devious
Things are well in hand, so don't you worry none.
Malcolm Reynolds
And there are some questions for Nicolette.
Ms Dorman
Thank you for the invoice.
However, the breakdown puzzles me. The first and last items, no issues, but the middle two...
What is a "Jurisdictional Clarification letter"? And what is the reason for "Probate registry clearance"? There are no wills involved.
Please clarify.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
That gets a frosty answer, if the last sentence is anything to go by.
4 July Dear Mr. Reynolds,
The Jurisdictional clarification letter/approval and the probate registry clearance must have to be obtained to empower us legal right to transfer this volume of money to you outside the country. The transfer will be done under legitimate BTO of United Kingdom so these papers are relevant to make a smooth transfer to you.
You should adhere to the directives and make the required fees available without further delays.
Yours in service,
Nicolette Dorman.
Ron Devious sends a nudge.
5 July Ok thank you, try your best to do what the bank want so they can send you all the funds. I hope to hear from you soon.
Things have gone too smoothly. It's time to send down a curve ball (or bowl him a googly).
Mr Devious
Whose side were you on?
Malcolm Reynolds
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 7, 2021 9:12:34 GMT
"Ron" wasn't expecting that question.
7 July What?
Mal has to explain.
Mr Devious
Which side were you fighting on?
Malcolm Reynolds
This should be very interesting.
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 8, 2021 2:09:17 GMT
The replies came in swiftly and less than half an hour apart.
First, the "refugee," being terse.
8 July No side
Then the bank, being pushy.
8 July Dear Mr. Reynolds,
We expected you to comply with the directives but you have not reach us again. The funds are ready for transfer to your designated bank account but there is no way transfer can proceed without these papers been obtained and submitted to us. It is for your own interest to follow up our directives now you have invoice forwarded to you.
Thanking you in advance for your understanding with us.
Yours in service,
Nicolette
OK! Mal hits right back.
Mr Devious
I don't believe you.
The only way I can think of that you'd end up in a refugee camp is that you were fighting for one faction or another. A Britisher ending up stranded in Syria would reach out to his embassy or consulate for help if he was there as a tourist or businessman, or to his organisation if he was a there on relief work; not reach out to a complete stranger on the far side of the world.
I want the truth.
Malcolm Reynolds
Ms Dorman
Let's get something straight here.
You say that you expected me to comply with your directives; with respect, you can't give me directives. You don't have that authority. Equally, there's no time constraint here; when (and if) I do what you want is my choice and my choice alone.
I have reasons to delay, and that's my choice. Don't try to push me. You have no such right.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 9, 2021 3:20:57 GMT
Nicolette didn't reply, but Ron Devious did... however...
9 July One side
Mal was equally laconic. Which side?
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 11, 2021 12:07:42 GMT
Ron Devious sticks to the two-word limit.
9 July Free Syrian
Mal waited for a couple of days.
Right.. that changes the dynamic. You need to come clean. Where did that £5 million come from? I want the truth now!
Ron can't answer in just two words!
11 July
It is my money from real estate, Why all this, if you want to help, help.
Mal knows all the tricks; dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire... and sarcasm!*
Oh I see. I should have understood earlier, it's so simple. A British multi-millionaire joins the Free Syrian Army to fight the regime of Bashar al-Assad. An everyday event. Nothing out of the ordinary. Hey, we all know someone who did that.
Yeah, right.
Word of advice; don't try to sell me snake oil and pipedreams. If you want my help, don't lie to me. What I've gotten from you is making me think there's a simpler explanation; that you need a pasty for a scheme to smuggle plundered money safely out of Brexitland.
So prove me wrong... if you can!
*Another Monty Python reference.
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 14, 2021 3:12:07 GMT
I don't think this Lad has quite grasped the meaning of "prove."
12 July Yes you are wrong.
I said, "prove me wrong." Just saying "Yes, you are wrong," ain't proof.
13 July The bank have give you the proof and you do not want to help.
I saw no proof from the bank.
And now, the Lad takes a fateful step...
14 July You can lie, just tell me you do not want to help, it is ok
Mal reacts accordingly. Never call a Southerner a liar!
The lying liar is telling me that I can lie.
Go fuck yourself.
Time, gentlemen, please!
Ms Dorman
Ron Devious does not deserve my help, so I am no longer his beneficiary. Please purge all my details from your system.
I have cc'd Ron Devious on this email.
Regards
Malcolm Reynolds
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 15, 2021 1:49:38 GMT
It ain't over quite yet.
14 July Go fuck yourself too, you talk too much and you can not help.
14 July The bank have give you everything you ask for and you said i lie how?
Mal delves into history.
You ain't a British mulit-millionaire. Someone like that doesn't suddenly become a freedom fighter. We ain't in the 1930s, Syria ain't Spain, and the Free Syrian Army ain't the International Brigade. Ergo, you're a liar, so go fuck yourself.
15 July U talk too much, a man do not talk too much, i want to make u rich ok.
I'm a retired US Marine with eighteen years service. You have nothing to teach me about being a man.
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Post by Yastreb on Jul 16, 2021 7:25:22 GMT
The Lad's reply was almost abject.
15 July I hear you, I am sorry
I normally wouldn't ever give a Lad what might be the last word, but this time I'll make an exception.
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x 4 (Lagos to Abuja, Nigeria to Ghana, Nigeria to Benin, Ghana to Benin) 
