Give that dog a bone.

Mr Tardis = Scammer
Harold = Me

Mr Tardis:
I have been here for some days now without any respond. what is going on ? please I'm here for the behalf of your fund you are order to get back to me immediately so that this can be done as soon as possible. you are the one holding me right away please be fast I have a lot of things to do. Thanks

Harold:
Who are you?

Mr Tardis:
I'm mr Idiot Tadris your agent from Aramex delivery service. I have been here for some days now,

Harold:
Good morning Mr Tadris. Where have you been for some days, but more importantly, what is it that you're trying to deliver?

Mr Tardis:
The message was sent to you for some days. why the owner of the consignment box which is you, is not willing to reply back to me. I don't know that you are not with your email that makes you not to reply back. I am with your consignment box what 10.3 million dollar to being delivered to your doorstep.
That is what I have to delivery to you. Thanks

Harold:
I don't remember ever receiving any correspondence about the delivery, but go ahead and deliver it to my doorstep as soon as you can.

Mr Tardis:
Can I have your delivery address?

Harold:
Good morning my friend. I foolishly assumed that you already had my address, but I'm more than happy to provide it. I have also provided my full name and contact phone number, should you require it.
Full Name: Redacted 
Address: Redacted
Country: United Kingdom
Contact Phone Number: +44 Lenny

Mr Tardis:
Hello dear Harold.

your information was been received. your delivery will proceed by 9:30 today to your doorstep. but there is a small problem. before the proceeding of your delivery to your doorstep. it will cost you small money, for the delivery and airport clearance. and that is the only thing that will still holding the delivery to proceed to your doorstep. so please I'm waiting for your reply. thanks

Harold:
How much are we talking about? I do hope it won't be more than the £1,000 I've managed to scrape together for my daughter's next course of cancer treatment medicine. I don't want to burden you with my problems, but the bloody NHS won't pay for it and if she doesn't get it on time she will definitely die. Can you assure me that once I make the payment you will proceed with the delivery of my consignment box containing the 10.3 million dollars with all haste. I can't stress enough how important it is that I receive the 10.3 million dollars on time. If it doesn't arrive on time my daughter will die in the most horrendous agony without her next course of medicine.

Mr Tardis:
Yes once you make the payment you will have me in your doorstep as soon as possible the only thing holding the delivery to proceed to your doorstep is the payment so just hurry up and get the money sent you will have me immediately. thanks nothing will happen to your daughter. Okay

Mr Tardis: (Getting impatient)
Please am still waiting for your reply since morning. Please get back to me as soon as possible

Harold:
I'm so sorry for my tardiness, my poor daughter has been coughing up blood and excrement all day and I really do fear that if she doesn't get her meds soon she'll be knocking on heaven's door before not too long. How much is the payment, and how do I make it?

Mr Tardis: (To be fair, the lads still a vile little creature, but not greedy)
The payment is 250. You have to send Steam wallet gift card and that is the only thing holding right now. I was waiting thought you will send it since morning. So go are get Steam wallet gift card send so that I will be coming to your home right now.

Mr Tardis: (More impatience)
Please am waiting

Mr Tardis: (And a little later he sent this)
What is the Meaning of Life?

God made people to love Him with all their hearts, minds and souls and to love each other in the same way as we love ourselves. We were created foremost to bring glory to God, be in the right relationship to Him, and worship Him. We are here on earth to grow physically, mentally and spiritually. For those who are Christians, life means honoring God with your life, your work and through the enjoyment of God’s presence. God’s presence comes through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Beyond what you could ever dream or imagine, life's greatest adventure is to discover God’s exciting plan for your life and pursue it with a passion.

Your daughter will recover herself back again to normal in Jesus name we pray. amen

Mr Tardis: (More impatience)
Please I have waited a lot. Get back to me let me know what is going on. I will not been waiting for your reply why who am waiting is not able to email back. Please let me know what is going on

Harold:
I'm so sorry for the late reply, but my daughter's rectum exploded in the early hours of yesterday morning and I've been at her hospital bedside all day yesterday and most of today. I hate to say it, but I really don't think time is on her side. I need that 10.3 million dollars urgently if I'm to get my daughter to the USA for the treatment she needs to save her life. Can I make the payment via MoneyGram? There's an outlet in Mr Patel's store in the village, so I could send the £250 first thing tomorrow, if that's okay.

Mr Tardis:
So sorry for what is happening to your daughter. But what I need to let you know is that nothing will happen to your daughter okay.

Here is the name that you will send it to.
Name: Redacted
City: Redacted

Harold:
Thank you once for your words of encouragement. I've prayed ever since my daughter was diagnosed with cancer that she would be cured. You can't imagine how grateful I was when I received the email telling me about the 10.3 million dollars. For the first time in several years I think I can see light at the end of the very long and dark tunnel my daughter and I have been traveling through. Please stand ready to get the 10.3 million dollars to my doorstep. I shall pop into the village and make the payment as soon as Mr Patel's store opens.

Mr Tardis:
Don't worry once the payment has been made I will proceed to your doorstep and deliver your fund to you okay. take good care of your daughter. just try are make the payment first thing in the morning so that I will proceed immediately ok. I will be waiting. get me the payment slip once you make the payment through MoneyGram okay

Mr Tardis:
Please try to send it in time to avoid late preceding okay. Just send it this morning so that I can be able to proceed. Thanks

Harold:
I sent the £250 at just after 08:00 this morning. My daughter is very sick and I can't be expected to keep checking my email. You have my phone number so call me and let me know when you expect to arrive at my doorstep.

Mr Tardis:
Send me the payment slip which you use to send the money. you have to send me the payment slip and that is what I will use to withdraw it. The payment is the only thing holding me. without the payment slip I cannot withdraw the money. so let me have the payment slip. that is the only thing holding right now. I have prepared, I will be at your doorstep as soon as possible just get me the payment slip. Nothing will happen to your daughter. the devil is a liar. your daughter will be heal. I pray that nothing will happen to your daughter in Jesus name amen. just get me the payment slip from the MoneyGram. Thanks

Mr Tardis:
what you will send to me now is.
sender name:::
M.T.C.N number:::
amount:::
The payment slip.
send them to me now.no time please

Mr Tardis:
Please I will not be wasting my time here. If you are sure that you send the 250. then go are send the MTCN number. Please if you are not sending it. just let me know. you have to confirm the receipt. Thanks

Harold:
Sorry for the late reply, but my daughter is so sick now that I can hardly leave her on her own for very long. As for the receipt, I'm not sure what I did with it when I got home. I usually put all of my receipts in a box by the telephone, but it's not there so I'll have to have a look around the cottage for it. Don't worry, it's sure to be about somewhere. Please keep yourself on standby so that you can head for my doorstep at a moment's notice.

Mr Tardis:
Ok. So when are you going home? And again, How is your daughter doing now? I hope she Is getting better? Send my regard to her. just try and look for it once you came back so that we can get it done. I have prepared been waiting Without knowing that it is not going to work as we plan. but no problem you have to take good care of your daughter ok. everything will be ok I hope you will have the receipt today? Have you contact pastor to pray with your daughter?

Harold: (Sends MoneyGram receipt)
I've found it. I had accidentally thrown it in the bin. Please now make all haste to my doorstep. I fear time is running out for my daughter.

Mr Tardis:
Get back to me so that I will meet up to see your daughter please Am waiting

Mr Tardis:
Go there. ask them for the M.T.C.N number Because I can't get the money out without the M.T.C.N number please

Mr Tardis:
Hello dear: harold, please I have been waiting since morning. the problem we have since morning till now is the M.T.C.N NUMBER MoneyGram reference number is 8 digit number. it is very important please go back to the store, tell the store man to give you the M.T.C.N reference number. if they cannot be able to give you the M.T.C.N. Be mad at them be serious with them make sure they give you your money don't listen to what they are going to say. make sure that they give you your money back. go to store buy steam wallet gift card send. don't listen to them make sure you show them very serious then get your money back. go to store buy steam wallet gift card 250 send. that is the only thing holding me here since morning. since morning till now I for deliver your fund to you now. please be fast about it. tell them to give you reference number M.T.C.N. if they cannot be able to give it to you. get your money back. go to store buy steam wallet gift card be fast. send my regard to your daughter. Thanks

During the course of those last three emails, four calls had been made to MoneyGram. I have to say that the third one was my favourite, hence the title of the thread.

Harold:
I really do not understand what you are telling me or what the problem is. I have been expecting you to turn up and make the delivery of my 10.3 million dollars since I sent my last email. Please call me on the number I provided you with in one of my earlier emails. Perhaps then you can explain exactly what the problem is before I go pestering Mr Patel.

Mr Tardis:
He refused give us the MTCN number and it is 8 digit number and go there now to collect you money if he refused to give you the number then you have to collect the money back but you can send if he give you the MTCN,and tell him that you hate kind of nonessent he did refusing give the receiver the number to pick up the money.

Mr Tardis:
I want you to go and meet the man who send the money gram to get the MTCN number asap but you can collect the money from him if he refused to give you the MTCN cos he is evil and that is why he wants to why you send the money that is the reason why he refuse given us the number .   

Mr Tardis:
I went to the MoneyGram office to get the money out. before going there. I first called the number they put on the receipt. to get the mtcn number. but I called the number. they are not agree to call the reference number which is MoneyGram mtcn reference number. 8 digit number. they don't agree to call the number. so without the 8 digit number I I cannot be able to get the 250 out from the MoneyGram. so what you have to do right now is to go back to the MoneyGram store that you send the 250. tell them to give you the mtcn number. If they refuse to give you the mtcn reference number. then tell him to give you the money back. take the money go to store. buy steam wallet gift card 250 send it to me. so that everything will be done immediately. you are the one delaying me. your daughter is in the hospital. I need to be there too and I also need to get the consignment box what 10.3 million-dollar to delivered to your doorstep. please be fast so that everything will be done. go there tell him to give you the mtcn number if he, didn't give you the mtcn number. collect the money out from them. take the money to store. buy steam wallet gift card send to me ok. be fast do thst I will get this done as soon as possible. because I need to proceed to your doorstep and see your daughter and I pray that nothing will happen to your daughter. almighty God will protect your daughter. known evil shall fashion against your family shall prosper. your daughter will be healed in Jesus name, amen

Harold:
Sorry for the delay in replying, but my daughter is really going downhill fast and I am by her sick bed constantly. I've just dosed her up with gin so hopefully she'll be able to get a little bit of sleep before the pain becomes too much to bear again. Now, what's all this about you going to the MoneyGram office and calling the number on the receipt yourself? I've looked at the receipt very carefully and it clearly states only the recipient can call the number. That part of the receipt is even underlined, so I really do not understand why you have decided not to follow the clear instructions the receipt shows. And are you now only telling me that you're in (State in USA redacted)? I was under the impression that you were already in the UK waiting to get to my doorstep as soon as this (name redacted) person received the £250. I also think it seems that trying to blame me for the delay is rather churlish of you when it is you that has not followed the instructions on the receipt. I suggest you follow the clear instructions on the receipt and get (name redacted) to call the number as soon as possible so that we can get our business together finalised in a timely fashion.

Mr Tardis:
The receiver is the one complaining what is going on in the MoneyGram office. not me. I am not the one that's supposed to get it out. is the receiver. so just go there tell them to give you the mtcn. not calling number. because they know the reason why they put it into callng. let them give you the 8 digit number of the mtcn. I will get to your doorstep as soon as possible. go to the store you send the money ask him to give you MTCN number of the MoneyGram of the money you sent. if he refuse to give you the mtcn. then tell him to give you your money back. go to store buy steam wallet gift card send. you will have me immediately as soon as possible. that is the only thing holding me right now. I'm in UK right now. That is why I asked you to get steam wallet gift card. you decided to send MoneyGram.. card is easier than MoneyGram. I wish what you send is card the money have been delivered to your doorstep since 3 days ago. Just because of what you send Is MoneyGram. if you can be able to send card. Just get it.

Mr Tardis:
Yes and the receiver was calling them for about 48hours but they refuse to give her the MTCN so you have to go there and get it your self or collect the money back from them do you understand me now.

Harold:
Sorry for the late reply, but I have only just got back from church. The service ended at 10:00, but I stayed on to talk to Father Shenanigans about my daughter afterwards. Father Shenanigans has been a tower of strength since my daughter was diagnosed with the affliction she is suffering from. And suffer she does. Even as I was leaving to attend church she was crying out in pain, begging me to stay and hold her hand. "Please don't go papa" she screamed as she was coughing up blood. But although in pained me to do so I told her that I must go to church to pray for her salvation. The poor child was so upset that even Father Shenanigans brother Lenny could do little to calm her. Lenny comes to read the Bible to her several times a week and I like to think that it gives her some small comfort knowing that the all mighty is causing her so much suffering for some kind of a purpose that us mere mortals are to stupid to comprehend. Talking of stupidity, why has it taken that fool (name redacted) 48 hours to achieve absolutely nothing? What is so difficult about making a simple phone call to obtain the MTCN? Have you impressed upon the fool how important it is that you get the 10.3 million dollars to my doorstep? As I've already told you, I do not want to bother Mr Patel with this problem only to find that the problem has been caused by some incompetent fool in (State in the USA redacted). I need to know what the exact problem is. Perhaps if you get this (name redacted) idiot to call me directly I may be able to better understand what the problem is.

To be continued?